In 2006, a notable modern philosopher, years ahead of his time, by the name of Justin Timberlake, succinctly laid out the importance of sex appeal and how modern men lack it. So, here you are in 2020, stuck at home, with some rather slim dating prospects. But what if I told you that there’s a way to get the best of women and make yourself a better person in the process? Why, it’s simple — all you need to do is figure out how to be a sexy man for the modern age!
Now, obviously, not all women will find everything sexy. Some will prefer a bit of spice with their man, while others will stick to the golden standard. But there are certain things you can do to increase your sex appeal. Knowing how to be a sexy man really comes down to tweaking a few things about your life and improving the qualities you already have.
So, without keeping you in suspense any longer, here’s my handy list of 19 tips on achieving sexiness. It will turn you from that guy everyone avoids at the supermarket to the gentleman that makes all the ladies from 18 to 88 swoon.
How to Be a Sexy Man: A 19-Step Program for Success
#1. Walk the Walk
There’s a very good reason a particularly powerful scene from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure’s Chapter 256 became a popular meme. And while I’m on the subject of memes, the popular Virgin vs. Chad template radiates the same energy and proves the same point as Araki’s depiction of Jotaro and Dio walking toward each other. In a word, it’s all about the walk.
Let’s step out of the dating game for a moment. Everyone, from friends to strangers, will judge you based on your posture. If you slouch when you walk or constantly look down, you will not exude any confidence. And if you’re not showing confidence, the people around you will think, on a subconscious level, that you are unreliable.
However, once you push out that chest and start walking in a confident, natural way, folks will start turning heads. Soon enough, the ladies will start paying attention to you. And before you know it, you’ll be talking to a few gals — which leads me to my next point.
#2. Talk the Talk
When talking to a woman (or anyone, really), remember to maintain eye contact. Proper eye contact is incredibly important when it comes to communication. Without saying anything, you can convey a whole list of different messages just by looking at people.
Of course, not all eye contact is going to help you be sexy. For example, staring at the person in front of you will make you look aggressive and creepy. On the other hand, if you avoid looking at them, they’ll feel unwanted. In conclusion, moderate eye contact will definitely help you in learning how to be a sexy man.
Now, remember to also moderate where and how long you’re looking at someone if the girl you want to date is in a group. In addition, talk to every group member, but try to maintain contact even with people you’re not conversing with. That will show the girl that you’re interested in everyone to some extent and that you’re not simply thinking of that one thing.
#3. Do You Even Pose?
Let’s go back to your posture for a bit. I’ve already covered the way you should walk if you want to exude confidence. But as is often the case, there’s more to the story than just walking. A proper sitting pose is, in fact, the perfect example of how to be a sexy man without even trying.
So, what kind of sitting will raise your sex appeal? The answer is simple:
• Arms spread out
• Legs spread open
• Sitting upright, but relaxed
• Head tilted slightly backward
• A relaxed expression on your face
• Hands ready to gesticulate
Of course, you will find a decent number of people who will criticize you for sitting with your legs open in public, citing an unfortunate and somewhat sexist term manspreading.
However, don’t be afraid to sit with your legs apart in public. Not only is it healthy for your nether regions, but it’s also a major way of attracting women. Yes, the open posture is scientifically proven to be attractive at first sight, and there’s no shame in it.
#4. Gesticulation Helps
Have you ever talked to someone who moves their hands around a lot? Did you feel an instant connection with them, despite knowing very little about them, simply based on that action alone? If so, welcome to the club of literally millions of members worldwide.
People who tend to gesticulate a lot when talking are often more attractive than those who move very little. Usually, when you’re excited or animated about a topic, your body isn’t able to contain that excitement. Those hands and fingers will be flapping about while you entertain your interlocutor by talking about your latest purchase or that successful project of yours. And it’s all completely natural.
Don’t get me wrong — people who don’t gesticulate are, by no means, rejected by others. However, they will be seen as calmer and more collected and calculating.
On the other hand, you may relate to gesticulators more specifically because their movements appear more human and down-to-earth. It’s a subconscious way of letting the person across from you know that you can get just as giddy (or angry) about certain topics as they can.
#5. Brood and Be Introspective…
Yes, women like them dark — there’s no denying it. If a man walks by a few ladies while brooding over something, every single girl in that group will swoon over him, if only a little.
But why is that? Why would a woman go for a brooder, and can brooding help you figure out how to be a sexy man?
Well, it all comes down to psychology. A brooder is someone who at least seems as if he has a lot on his mind. He might have financial troubles, someone at home he needs to take care of, or a lot of daily errands to run. Whatever the case may be, the brooder exudes an aura of stability and seriousness, both of which are traits women want in a partner.
More importantly, brooding shows the ladies that you’re not someone who will share his emotions easily. Whatever problem you might have, you decide to brood over it and solve it by yourself, without asking for help. You’re a hard nut to crack, and that’s a massive turn-on for the ladies. After all, if they crack that outer shell, they’ll feel privileged in a sense — ‘I’m the woman who made his hard life easier!’ and all that.
Of course, brooding is specifically reserved for when you’re not talking to the ladies. If you want to keep them around, you’ll need to smile, as frowning will send them the wrong message.
But sharing a smile is not enough — you have to master teasing one out of a female as well.
#6. …Yet Have a Sharp Wit and a Sense of Humor
Has it ever happened to you that you’ve cracked a joke at just the right time and made the woman next to you burst out laughing, or laugh to the point of tears? If so, congratulations — you’re on the right path of getting that woman into bed.
People will always appreciate someone with a good sense of humor. Laughing and cracking jokes about nearly every topic out there is an entirely human characteristic that has allowed humanity to survive for as long as it has. You can use it as a coping mechanism in the worst of times and as a motivational force that propels the people around you forward.
So, what types of jokes should you use if you want to figure out how to be a sexy man? Well, humor is incredibly subjective, so it’s not about the jokes themselves, but the delivery. Here’s a quick rundown of what you can do:
• Don’t be lazy; make sure your jokes are original.
• Be topical; make jokes about the world around you and the current events.
• Don’t be offensive out of malice — but don’t be afraid to tell raunchy, offensive jokes. Learn from the best.
• Don’t go overboard; a little bit of joking is good, but too much of it can annoy those around you.
• Let others make jokes too; funny people shine best when they have like-minded folk around them.
• Don’t be afraid to laugh at your own shortcomings.
#7. The Art of the Compliment
Here’s a little experiment. You’re talking to a girl who’s wearing a low-cut dress and a necklace, and there’s a small tattoo on her wrist. Which of these three lines would you most likely say to her?
• Wow, you look so sexy.
• That dress is to die for!
• I like women who aren’t afraid of getting tattoos.
Did you pick a line? Well, neither one of the three is correct.
Now, you’re probably wondering one of two things. First, why are these lines not correct? They sound correct enough to me. Second, if none of these is the correct answer, what is?
Let’s take a closer look at these lines. The first one is easy enough to figure out: you complimented her body overtly, which is never a good way to approach someone new. The next one does sound good, but you didn’t really compliment the woman — you complimented an object she’s wearing. Meanwhile, the third one is a miss simply because you drew attention from her back to yourself.
Instead, try to frame your compliment in a way that includes the woman herself, as that will feel more personal. Never force a compliment, though, because it’s easy to spot fakeness.
With some tweaking, the three sentences will look like this:
• There’s something… irresistible about you. Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s definitely amazing.
• That dress looks phenomenal on you.
• That tattoo of yours fits your personality — I can’t get enough of it.
But by all means, don’t stop with the compliments there. If possible, expand upon them by asking follow-up questions and getting a conversation going. For instance, try something like:
• Is that necklace store-bought, or did you make it?
• What’s the story behind that tattoo?
• Do you enjoy floral pattern dresses?
#8. Integrity Maketh the Man
How many times did you hear the line ‘just be yourself, women love that?’ Well, it’s not just a modern cliché of dating. In fact, learning how to be a sexy man is really about learning to be honest with yourself.
A lot of dudes out there are trying to pick up women by lying to them, claiming that they have a six-figure income or an amazing job. And yet, I can’t help but think of that famous scene from Seinfeld when George Costanza’s honesty lands him a date, a new dream job, and an overall uptick in life.
Essentially, women are attracted to honest men who stick to their principles. You should definitely try to better yourself, but if you’re upfront about your problems and ideals, your potential future partner will appreciate you for it. So, instead of pretending to be a Concorde pilot or a close friend of Dwayne Johnson, try letting her know exactly who you are and what you’re about.
#9. Intelligence Is Hot
Most of the women who prefer a buff, dumb dude over a regular-sized brainiac tend to be teenage girls, usually because they’re just old enough for their hormones to go wild. But the vast majority of adult women prefer a guy who knows his stuff.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be a rocket scientist to impress the ladies. The kind of intelligence you need to have should be practical, worldly, and all-encompassing. If you’re interested in a variety of topics and happen to be passionate about a few of them, you’ll learn how to be a sexy man in no time.
But how can you achieve that level of intelligence and awareness, you may ask? Well, try to do the following as often as possible:
• Read books, by various authors
• Visit museums, art galleries, and various niche conventions
• Explore your taste in music
• Keep up with the news (and try to observe both sides of hot-button issues)
• Do a bit of gaming and other nerd-culture stuff
• Be invested in sports
• Do some historical research, but don’t limit yourself to your country
• Explore some spiritual ideas
• Develop a passion for tech stuff
• Explore your taste in movies and television
• Try learning a new skill or craft
#10. Generosity and Humility Are Also Hot
You might be a man of principle and high intelligence now. But always remember that you are neither above nor below other human beings. You won’t always be right, and you’ll probably be in a position where you need to offer help to a fellow human.
So, how exactly will generosity and humility help you learn how to be a sexy man?
Let’s go over humility first. By letting someone know that you’re wrong and they’re right, you’re showing them that you’re human, that you have flaws, and that you want to better yourself. Women love a man who can admit that he has shortcomings. It’s the integrity to overcome those shortcomings that seals the deal for them.
As for generosity, it’s fairly simple. If you show that you can be kind to others without expecting anything in return, the lady will appreciate you since that virtue is rare in 2020. That’s why it’s extremely important not to be generous simply to garner attention and score brownie points.
#11. Be Kind
Being kind is an extension of my previous point. But what does it entail specifically?
Well, you can look at kindness in two different ways.
First off, there’s instrumental kindness, i.e., the one you can actually measure. For example, you can be a blood donor or give money to charity. Both of those actions include material, tangible things (blood and money). So, the more often you do it, the more people will appreciate you, and you’ll earn the reputation of being kind.
Of course, you can’t forget the other type of kindness, the one that’s intangible and emotional. One of the best examples of this type is being a good listener.
If you want to learn how to be a sexy man, perfect the subtle art of listening to others. When they open up to you, they’ll feel a bit more at ease regarding their condition, and you might actually help them solve whatever dilemma they might have.
#12. Gentleman, Groom Thyself
Whenever I try to instruct a friend on how to be a sexy man, I tend to mention grooming last. However, I do have to stress that, while it isn’t as important as integrity and kindness, it’s definitely something you want to pay attention to.
There are lots of excellent websites out there that cover the subject of grooming, getting dressed up, and looking spiffy as well as manly. I’d personally recommend The Art of Manliness, as it covers multiple different subjects related to male hygiene and grooming habits.
That topic is incredibly vast, so much so that it simply wouldn’t fit within this article. But if I had to summarize it in one sentence, it would sound like this — take good care of your appearance, as it will boost your confidence and make you look irresistible.
#13. ♫Girl, Look at That Body♫
Guys, believe it or not, women will judge your level of attractiveness just as you would judge them — they’ll pay attention to your body. So, a crucial part of knowing how to be a sexy man is getting in shape.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are definitely women out there who fall for men with dad bods. More often than not, they’ll date you because you’re not afraid to enjoy living life, but aren’t someone who goes overboard.
However, it never hurts to get in shape. Not only will your potential lover find you sexy, but you’ll also look and feel healthier. In addition, you’ll reduce the risk of suffering from a dangerous disease.
So, how should you go about getting in shape? Well, the basic rundown is simple enough:
• Eat healthily and avoid sugary foods and drinks
• Boost your cardio by jogging, hiking, or walking
• Exercise at least once every other day
• Make sure to get your beauty sleep
• Pay attention to your posture
• Stretch after a hard day’s work
• Keep yourself hydrated
#14. Be the Lover She Wants You to Be
There’s a notable difference between having sex and making love. And in order to learn how to be a sexy man, you’ll need to become the ultimate lover.
First off, take things slow. Women adore passion, and once you take the simple act of sex and slow it down, concentrating on specific points and enjoying them to the fullest, you’ll excite her beyond her wildest expectations.
Next, pay attention to her sensitive spots. Sometimes, you can simply slide your finger down her waist — that may be enough to get her to moan. A little nibble on the ear might do more than a hard thrust. When it comes to exploring this aspect of sexuality, nothing is off-limits.
Finally, make sure that your kiss is your signature move in the bedroom. It doesn’t matter if you’re making out, lining small pecks down her neck, or giving her an extra-slow kiss on the cleavage. If you do it right, your partner will go wild, and both of you will appreciate the experience.
#15. Pay No Heed to the Vile Tongues
Sometimes, not getting a girl is a matter of simple psychology. Men often try to do whatever they think will impress a woman, only to find out that she decided to date another guy. As a result, men try their damnedest not to pay attention to what women want.
Neither of these two is the right solution. As always, try to be somewhere in the middle.
In order to learn how to be a sexy man, you should avoid the ‘you should be X’ or ‘you should do X’ phrases, which are popular among lots of women. However, don’t be outright hostile to them.
Simply be yourself, follow your own rules, and be an honest person. Once a woman recognizes that you have that kind of integrity, she will be willing to open up to you, and you’ll gladly do the same.
#16. Cooking Always Scores
There are many reasons women love men who can cook. Interestingly, despite cooking being more of a feminine activity, some of the most famous chefs today are men.
If I had to boil it down to a single reason, however, I’d probably say ‘independence mixed with reliability.’ A man who can cook can take care of himself and others. Moreover, he knows the finer things in life; a home-cooked meal will always taste better than something you can buy in a store.
Most importantly, that man will be self-sufficient enough to help the woman out in the kitchen. And I know from experience that there are few things as enjoyable as preparing a meal together with your partner. It adds a whole new dimension to a relationship, and if you’ll pardon the syllepsis, it nourishes both body and soul.
#17. Be a Risk-Taker
Usually, when dudes think hard about how to be a sexy man, they come to the subject of extreme sports and activities. ‘If I bungee-jump or go rafting, she’ll think I’m a badass and fall for me!’ is usually their line of reasoning.
Generally speaking, these men aren’t wrong. If you’re willing to take a risk, the woman will think that you’re brave and eager to face danger in life. And that’s incredibly attractive!
However, there’s a catch there. If you take stupid risks that can get you killed, especially if you have no prior experience, that will cause the opposite reaction. In short, the woman will think that you have a screw loose somewhere up there.
So, what’s the best solution? Well, it comes down to little, controlled risks. Climb your roof to fix the tile, calm your raging dog down, or stand up to a large man who’s harassing your girl in the street. Sometimes, it’s enough to simply watch a horror movie or play a scary video game and endure.
But by far, the best risk-taking activity you can engage in is facing your own fears. If you’re willing to tackle that vulnerable part of yourself, you will instantly earn the respect of any woman.
#18. The Golden Touch
Physical contact is key to attraction. But of course, you can’t really do a lot of touching when you’ve just met a woman. So, in order to figure out how to be a sexy man, you have to know when and how to touch the girl.
When meeting her for the first time, try to get as many touches in as you can. Handshakes, high-fives, light shoves, flicks, and nose boops are all playful, but friendly touches that don’t have a creepy undertone to them. Just to be on the safe side, though, make sure to keep them playful and your intentions pure.
Once you’ve gotten to know the woman a little more, you can make the touches a bit more intense and bold. Your hand can now rest on her shoulder, thigh, or knee. You can say your hellos and goodbyes with hugs and light pats. And if you tend to hang out a lot, try to do activities that will guarantee touching, such as dancing or competitive sports.
Finally, once you’re dating, increase the touching to the maximum. Frequent hugs, tickles, playful jabs, and tiny, painless slaps and spanks are all a must.
#19. An Air of Mystery
What is my best tip on how to be a sexy man, you ask? It’s another cliché, but it’s one that has worked for many millennia — always try to maintain an air of mystery about you.
A mysterious man who doesn’t show all of his cards is an enigma to the lady. What is he hiding? How does he fare in life? What does he like or hate?
In a word, he is a mystery, a puzzle to be solved, and a nut to be cracked. He keeps the woman guessing, and once she gets to know him, her satisfaction grows tenfold. She has solved the mystery, and the result is amazing.
Try to be that man. Maintain a cool, distant composure, but be approachable enough to let the woman take her first steps into getting to know you. In the meantime, you’ll get to solve your own mystery, i.e., the lady herself!
And that concludes my glorious list of tips on how to be a sexy man. But remember that none of this is set in stone. The best thing you can do is be yourself and stay open to any improvements. Not only will that make you a sexier man in the eyes of the ladies, but it’ll also help you in other important aspects of your life.