There’s a very common saying, that every family is unique and the members are unhappy, it has its own unique problems. But I can’t help but disagree with this. It may feel like what your family is going through is unique, but actually, millions of families from all around are facing the same disputes. According to current studies, 70% to 80% of Americans believe their families to be dysfunctional.
Families can be challenging, and family troubles can be excruciating. There are, however, ways to resolve family issues and restore harmony to the dynamic. What you say and how you approach the family member can make a great impact.
Here are a few ways you can do that.
1. Concentrate your efforts on the problem rather than the people.
You should be hard on the problem and not the people. This is a very crucial step if you want to change the dynamic of the fight. Stop the blame game, stop pointing out the faults in each other and focus on the real problem that’s in front of you.
Because whatever caused the problem, isn’t your concern anymore, but the problem is. And the faster you understand this, the better it is for your family.
2. Allow yourself to lose your pride.
Pride in humans can manifest in many forms. For example, “If they want me to say sorry to them, they should do it first”, or “They should have called me first…”, and so on. Pride is important for one’s character development, but too much of it can make you arrogant.
So, when you are facing a family dispute, make sure that you step down from your high horse and try to look at things from your relative’s point of view.
3. Aim to Resolve the issue and not win the argument
You may believe you won’t be able to fix the situation, but you truly want your family member to come to you and apologize (or, if you were the one to wrong them, just forget the issue without a discussion).
This means that your goal isn’t to improve things; instead, it’s to win. Stop seeing the problem as a two-sided problem and instead focus on resolving and improving the situation.
4. Figure out what exactly the fiasco is about.
This may seem self-evident, but it’s sometimes difficult to recall what the problem was in the first place, especially if it began years ago. Determine the source of the issue and why it bothered you so much—or, if you were the offender, why you haven’t been able to make amends.
This will make it easier for you to express yourself effectively without becoming frustrated or defensive. And if the dispute goes out of your hands, contact your trusted family lawyers, and see whether they can help you with it.
5. Be straight, but respectful
When you are in the eye of a family dispute, honesty and openness about the problem are very essential. Because in a family, you’re dealing with people from all age groups.
It’s okay to have a disagreement with your elder relative, and in that case, just be yourself, speak about your true perception but never fail to address the beholder with respect.
6. Try to prevent the problems
If you communicated effectively, it was evident what bothered you, so hopefully, the problem will not happen again.
However, keep in mind that your relatives are people. Remember their flaws, but don’t hold them against them—just accept them as part of their personality. Also, keep track of what irritated them so you can prevent it in the future.
7. In the end, remember, they’re your family
“You can choose among your friends, but you cannot choose within your family”.
You can choose a friend, and if a friend wrongs you, you can cut them out of your life. You cannot, however, choose your family because they are related to you by blood.
So, when they wrong you, sit down and try to sort the issue.
8. Talk to the rest of the family
Though I am not a direct supporter of talking to the rest of the family, this might actually help in your case. We can see all types of persons in a family. So, talk to those with whom you have a good rapport and they can guide you in the right direction.
Over to you…
Family problems can be terrible, and it can be difficult to know how to cope with them… So, it’s tempting to avoid them. Consider taking the high road. Love your family and make sure you don’t have any regrets in life.